I mistakenly took on a freelancer from Giant once, and probably as a result of some innocent clerical error they have put me and the lovely Steph down on their system as the invoice processing type people for the whole of Dare.
Now every week or so, I get a variety of demands from robots of feckless employees demanding I pay up for people I've never met, worked with, or care about giving money to. It has got so repetitive, that I now use it as a means to entertain myself. That's what's stopping me from nipping round to their place and setting fire to it. Here's some of the chain of emails:
[4th October]
FROM: GIANT ADMINISTRATOR
To: Nick.Emmel, Stephanie.Newman
We would like to inform you that Invoice No:
SERV2459030
is now available for viewing and printing on your Agency Portal.
For your convenience we have also attached copies of the invoices to this email.
GIANT Administrator
NOTE: This is an automatically generated email. Please do not reply directly to this email.
For the fourth year, giant has been independently voted Best Umbrella Company by readers of Contractor UK
FROM: Nick Emmel
To: GIANT ADMINISTRATOR, Stephanie.Newman, Dare.Finance
Hello Mr Giant Administrator (are you indeed physically huge with a massive clip board and pen?)
You may have mistaken myself and Stephanie as people who in any way care about these invoices for people we have never heard of or met.
Sadly though, you are incorrect.
Thank you, Mr Giant.
Little Nicholas
[7th October]
FROM: GIANT ADMINISTRATOR
To: Nick.Emmel, Stephanie.Newman
We would like to inform you that Invoice No:
SERV2475528
is now available for viewing and printing on your Agency Portal.
For your convenience we have also attached copies of the invoices to this email.
GIANT Administrator
NOTE: This is an automatically generated email. Please do not reply directly to this email.
giant group plc
visit www.giantgroup.com
1 New Oxford Street, London, WC1A 1GG
Voted Best Umbrella Company by readers of Contractor UK - for the fourth year
FROM: Stephanie.Newman
To: Nick.Emmel, GIANT ADMINISTRATOR
please. make it stop.
[26th October]
FROM: GIANT ADMINISTRATOR
To: Nick.Emmel, Stephanie.Newman
We would like to inform you that Invoice No:
SERV2488892
is now available for viewing and printing on your Agency Portal.
For your convenience we have also attached copies of the invoices to this email.
GIANT Administrator
NOTE: This is an automatically generated email. Please do not reply directly to this email.
giant group plc
visit www.giantgroup.com
1 New Oxford Street, London, WC1A 1GG
Voted Best Umbrella Company by readers of Contractor UK - for the fourth year
FROM: Stephanie.Newman
To: Nick.Emmel, GIANT ADMINISTRATOR
dear GIANT please stop bothering us PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
FROM: Nick Emmel
To: Stephanie.Newman, Dare.Finance, Dare.HR
Hello finance!
It would be lovely if you fire Giant. Let's never use them for freelance ever again. In fact, why not publicly out them as a thoroughly incompetent organisation?
Either that, or can you ask them (again) to stop sending invoices for random temporary employees to myself and Steph?
Super
Nickypoos
[27th October]
FROM: Dare.Finance,
To: Stephanie.Newman, Nick.Emmel
Hi Nick
As funny as your emails are regarding giant. I have managed to remove both your email of their list, with an apology, See below.
Regards
FROM: GIANT.Group,
To: Dare.Finance
Hi,
Thanks very much for getting back to me.
This has all now been rectified, and the invoices will be sent to the e-mail address provided in future. Please send my apologies to Nick and Stephanie for the delay in getting this processed.
If you need anything else, do let me know.
Many thanks,
Employee Support Officer
giant group plc
[17th November]
FROM: GIANT ADMINISTRATOR
To: Nick.Emmel, Stephanie.Newman
Hi, we have several outstanding invoices for work that mark undertook with you.
Can you please advise when these are due to be paid?
Many thanks
Aaron
FROM: Nick.Emmel
To: GIANT ADMINISTRATOR, Stephanie.Newman, Dare.Finance
Hi Aaron,
This is nice - are you are real person or are you another automated robot email system?
Myself and Stephanie in particular have made excellent friends with your robot email system over the last few months. It has been regularly reaching out to us with strange requests for payment for people we have never heard of. But I think the robot has just been trying to use these notes as a ploy to make friends with us.
We did try to engage it in conversation - usually around the topic of "why would you send random invoices to people who don't work in Finance or HR?", but the automated robot email had an automated robot email response, which meant that our attempts at a chit chat normally ended in a damp squib. Which is a shame.
Perhaps you are the master of all the robot email machines? If so, can you please unplug them? Or maybe just do a bit of light rewiring with a sledgehammer? Either way, it would be nice if you chased up invoices with the clever people who deal in invoices, rather than just aggressively spamming any individual who may just happen to work at the same organisation.
Cheerio Aaron, say hello to robot from us!
[25th November]
FROM: GIANT ADMINISTRATOR
To: Nick.Emmel, Stephanie.Newman
Good morning,
Please could you advise when we can expect cleared funds for all attached invoices.
I look forward to your response as Mark is keen to chase this up.
Thanks,
Alexandra
Employee Support Officer
giant group plc
FROM: Nick.Emmel
To: GIANT ADMINISTRATOR, Stephanie.Newman, Dare.Finance
Really Alexandra, this is getting a little silly.
It was fun initially responding to these incessant emails from your company with a variety of whimsical requests for you to stop. But now, frankly, I'm bored.
Here instead is a LOLcat to express my feelings:
FROM: GIANT ADMINISTRATOR
To: Nick.Emmel, Stephanie.Newman
Good morning,
Thank you for the LOLcat, please accept my sincerest of apologies in sending the invoices to you – I have chased up the correct email address and will use this accordingly should I need to.
Regards,
Hurrah! My first response. Well done Alexandra, you are my favorite Giant employee/robot. Lets see how long it lasts.
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